People are constantly commenting about how I’m such a nice guy and only ever have positive things to say. But, as Natalie Portman learnt in Star Wars, even the nicest guys have their dark side.

So yeah, text messaging. Text messaging is evil in many ways, such as how its DAMAGE 2 TH ENGLSH LANGGE 1S PROBLY IRAVERSSABUL (SP?). (Sidebar: every time someone types (sp?), God kills a kitten. Look it up, you lazy bastard.) But it isn’t all bad. For one thing, we like the price point.

What I particularly liked about texting was that you had a very small space to fill and a great deal of time to fill it (what with typing speed issues). This allowed and encouraged injecting as much meaning as possible into every individual sentence. Given that my texting predates my blogging, it may have influenced my writing far more than I should admit to. Perhaps it explains my penchant for short, punchy paragraphs containing at least one joke and/or at least one swearword. As we all know, you can convey volumes of meaning with a text containing just one word, if that word is MOTHERFUCKER.

Anyway, so we were saying how I was such a nice guy. I got a text from Todd the other day (grammar corrected):

This is an interesting development, how come you’re not graduating this week?

And I responded offhand:

Oh you know me, I don’t like to rush into things. A small matter of practical work reports, basically they wanted one last twist of the knife and I didn’t stab myself quickly enough. I have to admit, I’m not especially worried. Getting out of prison is far more satisfying in itself than the welcome home party.

Five minutes later I had another look at my reply. Man. I’m not, okay? Really, I’m not.

Never stick your hand in my face again bitch

As you may or may not know, I’ve been particularly busy this year due in great part to my final year project. It hasn’t been an especially large amount of work – to be honest, I’m sure other groups have done much more – but it hangs constantly over one like an insatiable spectre. Should you try to relax at any time, guilt casually drops by and enquires about your weekly progress. Holidays instead become opportunities to do more work.

Well, fuck that. In two weeks time, it will all be done and good riddance. A topic that I was originally enthusiastic about – web design and usability – turned into an epic slog from about week two. I hope this is not what having a job is going to be like. I might have to join Lo4d3d Lawnmowers Inc.

Because I am a reasonable man, I should Say Nice Things too. And indeed, I have learnt a lot. At times it has been enjoyable. And Hell, it has been good experience. So you know, perhaps it was worth it after all.

We’re giving a 30 minute seminar on Thursday at 5pm in 3.403, and next Friday there is the exhibition, where we stand next to a poster (and possibly computer) answering the same questions dozens of times. I think it will be relatively interesting (if you’ve ever been to a Software Engineering lecture, you will understand what I mean by that) but I wouldn’t recommend cancelling your reservations for Herbie: Fully Loaded just to see it. Actually, I would. Shame on you.

Two classic, and very short, forum threads came to my attention today.

This is not a chat forum.

Linux is ready for the desktop. (Snh, Snh)

I also got some coupons in the mail from our good friends McDonald’s. It features one that gives you a free medium fries when you buy one of their DeliChoices rolls.

It’s hard to have faith in McDonald’s future. Not only did they respond to their most threatening competitor by keeping all their existing products and duplicating all the competitor’s offerings, but they offer fat-soaked potatoes as some sort of enticement to buy a doppelganger. You just don’t get it, do you? Here’s a hint: people aren’t buying these products because of the snazzy names.

… and many opponents of globalisation express concern that they are losing their national identity as they become just another consumer lying prostrate before the golden arches.

And with that I brought my International Business 304 paper to a close. I considered going on (for example, to the conclusion) but I felt really, I had peaked and anything I added could only detract from the exam-poetry that went before it. IB304 actually engendered a healthy mistrust of MNEs, and I heartily recommend it to anyone in the market for such a commodity. Not that I wish to necessarily endorse free markets.

Still, at least they’re better than living in China. Bill Gates praised henceforth: “It is a brand new form of capitalism, and as a consumer it’s the best thing that ever happened.” I’m sorry? What does that even mean?

Speaking of the best things to ever happen to consumers, how about Britney Spears and viruses. I only once ever opened an unsolicited attachment I received in my hotmail account – it was titled britneyspearsnaked.exe. I considered the odds that it was a virus (approximately 100%, I should think), decided it was worth the risk, and apprehensively (yet keenly, you understand) double-clicked. Nothing happened. Phew! Dodged a bullet there! There was only one course of action from here: I double-clicked it a few more times, saved it to my hard drive and tried to run it, etc. I never got the damn thing to do anything. I should have saved it. I swear, I would double-click it again today if I could.

Oh yeah, and… death to capitalism!

Either that, or by our resident kleptomaniac.

Subject: Black jacket lost

Hey guys,

I lost a black jacket in the software labs on Tuesday 7th June (the last day of
our VHDL main project submission.) I had it on my chair in the afternoon and
after submission it was missing.

It is a sleeveless one, with fleece lining inside and says Player 69 in blue on
the backside. If any of you knows the whereabouts of it, please lemme know..

Cheers,
75q6rbqco
(Name scrambled to maintain anonymity)

Some crazy stuff today. First off, Apple is switching from PowerPC chips by IBM to x86 chips by Intel. More info at Ars Technica. Apparently it will be possible to run Windows on Apple hardware (although arguably the demand for this is rather low.) I imagine running OS X on IBM-compatible PCs will be a possibility as well, although I doubt Apple would directly support this (they’re a hardware company, don’t cha know.) Anyway the shift was because the IBM chips were too slow, too hot etc. However, all three next-gen consoles (PS3, XBox360, Revolution) are going to run on PowerPC chips. Daring Fireball is my favourite source for Apple commentary.

I should note that I do not have an Apple myself and never have, although I was computer monitor at my primary school when we had a IIe and IIgs. Should I launch into a classic customer support story? One time I got called into another classroom because “the computer wouldn’t turn on.” Fair enough. I turned up and after a particularly brief examination discovered that it was not plugged in. You know, to the wall socket. Where the power comes in. I think I gave the teacher a brief but derisive lecture. (In a separate incident I had been sent to the principal and told off for being too cynical for my age.) At any rate, such events prepared me well for answering Azrael’s questions about CSS and JavaScript.

Some Firefox market share figures have been posted at Spread Firefox. They’re by Xiti, a French stats company, and mainly focus on Europe. I seriously doubt their accuracy. Particularly because New Zealand came in at 20% usage, the fourth highest in the world. Do you believe that? Then again, in my household, Firefox holds a commanding 100% market share. By the way, Finland won with 30%, edging out Germany and Hungary (and NZ!)

Shopping at Foodtown today they had Sarsaparilla on special. I didn’t know what it was, which I consider a good enough reason to buy something. At the counter, I almost got IDed for it. The elderly lady serving me seemed to realise it was devoid of alcohol and withdrew the request, but even so. The legal age in NZ is 18. I’m 22 (and if anything, look older), 6′1″, and haven’t shaved for a few days. And I don’t mean light stubble. It seems old people feel compelled to ID anyone who’s hair has not whitened. While we’re discussing IDing, I should throw in a jovial fuck you to the people at Belgium Beer Cafe, who always ID us the minute we cross the threshold. I swear they rub their hands gleefully when they see us coming. I haven’t been there in quite some time, actually. Funny that. Incidentally, Sarsaparilla might be an acquired taste. Strangely reminiscent of that stuff dentists give you to rinse out your mouth.

Penny Arcade is always good. But sometimes its not, so let me link you to some highlights. A complaint about industry-created awards. A complaint about games that leave you to create your own story. As with all PA comics, you might need to read the newspost in order to get it. Hey, at least that’s better than White Ninja. I just plain don’t get that, and leave feeling stupid.

I just received the marks back for one of my Computer Graphics assignments. It was composed of 10 marks part A, 10 marks part B, and 10 marks written answers. I only had 10 hours to spend on this, so I didn’t do part B. What did I get? 19.5/40. Correspondence was in order.

Hi Jing

There seems to have been a mistake in the marking. Part B, programming is only worth 10 marks, not 20.

Cheers
Dave

Hi there,

The marking guide given by the lecture says that the programming part of B is worth 20 marks.

Cheers,
Jing

So I emailed the lecturer. Will she reply? Will she fix her mistake? Are all universities this incompetent, or just Auckland? Stay tuned to find out!

While you’re waiting though, check out this insane optical illusion. You may wish to visit this surprisingly good Slashdot thread. And ponder this piece about compulsory breath tests (which seem to break a few amendments, notably the fifth with regards to incriminating yourself), extracted from Drinking and Driving – National Motorists Association:

Police roadblocks are symbolic and characteristic of police states. They should be anathema to any person with an historical perspective of how authoritarian governments exercise control over their citizens. Roadblocks are meant to intimidate and restrict the movement of people, goods, and ideas. No free society should tolerate any precedent that rationalizes the use of roadblocks.

This is why I love the internet.
XtraMSN Search: mathamagic computer tutor

In somewhat related news, my project supervisor was discussing our interim reports the other day. To my partner:
“You came across like ‘have to do this report, just want to get it done’.”
Then she turns to me.
“You, on the other hand, your report was too enthusiastic.”
Classic! Who, me? Using an evocative vocabulary? Pushing some kind of ideology? Never!

I remember years ago when I first came across the term self-destructive being used to describe a personality. I thought yeah, that fits me about perfect. A million things I want to do. Have to do. Only time to get a dozen done. And by God, what I really need to do is skip down to item #999 999: sleep. The last 3 hours, I have been working at tasks non-stop. In theory, this means I am achieving an awful lot. It just doesn’t feel like it, especially when one of those tasks is the enormously productive “clean stupid uni spam out of inbox.” I hope there is some sort of karma coming round for them.

Today I have spent 3 hours in robotics seminars by Prof. George Bekey. They have been excellent, as IntBus304 (International Business and Government, way more interesting than it sounds) always is, and CompSci372 (Computer Graphics, way more boring than it sounds) always isn’t. In between I tried to learn how to use VBScript to change Windows XP from classic to XP themes. (Apparently, you can’t.)

The thing about robotics that I find so amazing is how much it highlights the breathtaking sophistication of nature. What we can make with advanced robotics is humbled by the common cockroach. The incredible complexity yet simplicity of the human body to remain balanced on only two or even one leg (admittedly, I don’t last too long on the one.) The supremacy of the stomach over the battery. The valiant little robots moving from one lonely rock to the next 100 million kilometres away on Mars. The scholars who seek to unlock all these secrets. Its enough to make you Believe. Not in Him, though, if that’s what you’re thinking. I marvelled today, not for the first time, at how awesome it is to refute evolution, a central part of not only biology but just about every field of study I have ever encountered. I mean, you’ve got to respect them for that.

Spoiling today’s broth was the really dismal performance by the audience. When it was time for questions, many people didn’t just ask their question but came back to it again and again until it became obvious that they were simply trying to make their point and weren’t even slightly interested in what he had to say (unless it was the desired boost for their ego.) Some others were even more obvious in their intent to explain to our very distinguished Professor Emeritus something about the field of study he helped create. It’s enough to make you lose your Faith.

Restoration was available in Sony’s Aibo. It was amazing how quickly it turned from being a hunk of dog-shaped chrome and plastic to a lovable pet. Very memorable was when he looked around, located his ‘bone’, walked over to it and picked it up in his jaw. By then, it was just too hard to think of it as a machine. And look at this guy. Look at him go! (Those things are called whegs.)

Also in todays good news file is Garbage’s excellent new album Bleed Like Me. The title track is particularly good. The ultimate litmus test was passed: I drove through Auckland traffic while this was playing and did not emerge at the other end wanting to kill someone. Divine.

Last night I saw The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It was good (which was certainly more than could be said for the previews that played before it. Fuck you, Herbie.) The Infinite Improbability Drive was an absolute highlight for me, but to be honest I enjoyed the whole thing, for some reason or another.

Warning: the uni graduates amongst you may find the following post nostalgic.

So I have been quiet on the blogging front of late. Yeah, sucks. I had finally got some momentum going and then I got hit by the truck of university crunch time.

I remember about a year ago posting that “now I am a 4th year, the big difference is that uni doesn’t stress me anymore.” Well, I guess that was a lie, but then to be fair its like saying “I’ve really built up my tolerance to pain” and then being hit by a freight train. There’s only so far you can push it.

I’m walking dangerous ground here. Whenever someone blogs about, of all things, their assignments or tests it ends up being one of those boring posts like “oh my god i have so many assignments at the moment, my friend joe who dropped out of school is like totally hassling me about it, i’ll list them all here: -geog102(its all about rocks and their effect on underwater plantlife, its really interesting) -psych101 -mgmt101(this one’s really big!!) …”

Anyway, I’ll push on. Two assignments due Monday, a test on Tuesday, another assignment due Wednesday. What was great is that even from two weeks out I could just look at it and already see I was screwed. But it wasn’t enough: the Friday before was my sister’s birthday; the Sunday before was Mother’s Day. I went to my happy place, where you sort of decide that if you put it off, it might go away (or at least get an extension.)

Having said that, I did try, and by Friday night I had nearly finished one, and bought a present for my sister and been out to dinner. In fact I gave her a book of the piano, guitar and vocals of Crowded House’s greatest hits, which I will hopefully borrow sometime. Learning the guitar is slowly moving up my list (for example, it has now overtaken “learn Japanese.” But really, that was artificially inflated after going to Tanuki’s Cave and watching Lost in Translation. It receded again with the realisation that, should I learn Japanese, what the hell was I going to do with it?) Anyway, I’m just waiting for Lo4d3d to get some drums and Azrael to get a bass. Um. Can any of us sing? I suppose that will be Bartleby’s role.

So Friday night, things looked good. I starting to think dangerous thoughts, like “hey, I might actually be able to do this.” My friends, as soon as that thought enters your mind, you are gone. The entire weekend passed by and I barely got another thing done. In accordance with my earlier expectation, I was screwed.

Meanwhile its not as if much else was happening. Despite my lack of progress, I was not getting enough sleep. I had a cold. And its rather odd to look back at all the time you were “working day and night on fucking assignments” and yet note that you haven’t actually done anything. Oh, cruel world. Why must you play with me.

So Monday saw one deadline missed already. At least I did get the other one in, though. That night, and the following day, I tried to balance writing a report and studying for the test. I finished neither. At 3:55 I had to give up on the report and go to the test. It remains to be seen if it was even worth bothering. But I mean, its possible I passed, right? You never know, right?

So I left the test. It had not gone well. I really needed to unwind. Too bad! Report due one hour ago! I went to the lab and logged in: one new email… from my supervisor, asking where my report was. I marshalled my tired organs into action. Finished the report, printed it. Went to hand it in.

The electrical engineering dept recently moved to a new location. Now, when you move in to a three storey building, where would you put your reception? Ground floor? No. I climbed up a huge staircase to the first floor. Not there either! Clearly it makes more sense to put a critical facility here like a common room. I went up the next set of stairs, which narrowed and turned in on themselves as they advanced to the top of the building. I reached the door. The door was locked. Reception was closed for the day.

So I stopped. My tired organs saw their chance and made their exhaustion felt. Why? Why can’t something good happen? I briefly considered destroying something beautiful.

So I went back down the stairs. I went home. I had one more assignment due the next day. I had not started. I invoked those two perfect words: Fuck it. I watched some shitty TV, and I went to bed.

I tried again the next day. Climbed stairs. Door unlocked. Reception open. “Can I hand in my interim report here?”
“You’re two days late!”
What, real? Thanks for that input.
“I came here last night but the door was locked.”
“Oh, I was still here. You should have got the lift.”
#^%$!~ &*#*$^#.

After my lecture I asked my tutor about handing in my essay late (this conversation took place three hours after it was due in.) “Yeah that’s cool, just make sure you hand it in by Friday.” Thank you! In fact while it felt damn good at the time, Friday rolled round real quick and I had to rush at the last minute, would you believe, to get it in.

And that was it. I’ve still got the rest of the semester, and exams, but the crunch period from hell had come to a close. Over two straight weeks of it never letting up. In the vice from the minute you wake to the moment you collapse in a tired heap. This is probably the last (or, considering the project due next semester, more likely second last) time I will have to go through this. Damn. It better be.