The Lyrics of Collapsing Cities

Sunday 24 May 2009 @ 15:50 // Filed under Media, Schmack

Let me tell you about my new favourite band, Collapsing Cities. They’re a kiwi band I would loosely describe as big-sound indie rock. Think The Killers meets Joy Division (at a bar in Timaru). I actually saw them do a kick-arse opening for Garageland last year at the King’s Arms.

From Gloss:

“Yeah, our drummer Tim is really keen on playing party drum beats. We wanna make music that is danceable and fun, but lyrically I write songs that are slightly depressing…”

There’s another short review on The Guardian.

I can’t find their (fantastically dry) lyrics on the internet (should I try Wolfram Alpha?). Bought from iTunes though, so let’s start transcribing:

Fear of Opening My Mouth (yes, they’ve got The Fear)

Told my boss I hate him
At the Christmas party
That was before
A work colleague slept with his wife

(Sing it)
If I’m still a telemarketer
Next
Year
I think I’ll end my life

Man, why is no one singing about telemarketers? I know so many people from high school onwards who took telemarketing jobs they hated every second of because the pay was $12/hour.

All Your Friends Are Rats (my favourite)

I think all your friends are rats
They smile through their teeth
They belong in the sewers
Because they talk down to others
And I can’t even
Look them in the eye
Let alone make some forced conversation

Don’t
Go back on what you said
You said you wanted me in bed
But I wasn’t that good
Honey we can get through this

But getting back to what I said
If I could
There’s something
You should know…

…and the big finish:

All! Your friends
All! Your friends
And their friends! And their friends! And their friends! And their friends!
And their friends! And their friends! And their friends! And their friends!
Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats! Rats!

This song actually has a great dance groove.

Which brings us to the best part of publishing a post like this: I can now sit back and wait for the insults to roll in. Your favourite band sucks!

Review of Transformers: The Movie

Sunday 8 July 2007 @ 02:15 // Filed under Media, Ramble

In 50 years, when I look back on this day, I’ll think to myself: fuck you, Michael Bay. Fuck you to Hell.

In the News

Sunday 8 October 2006 @ 16:39 // Filed under Linkage, Media, Ramble

Hey team, sorry about my absence there. We’ve just been wrapping up a major rebuild of our website at work, and meanwhile a month sneaked by between posts here. I actually have been writing. Writing chunks of prose is the fun bit. Editing/finishing is the hard work bit that you have to find time for. Man, those people who post to their blogs every day? Superhuman.

Big Day Out

So, they’ve just announced some of the acts for the Big Day Out, and damn, always such an impressive list. Check this out. (Key: yeah!, meh/who?, nooo!)

  • Tool
  • Muse (hot damn)
  • Violent Femmes (I always feel like I should be a fan, though)
  • The Killers
  • Peaches (who?)
  • My Chemical Romance (I’m sure they’ll be popular with the kids.)
  • Spank Rock (who?)
  • Jet (uncertain)
  • Eskimo Joe
  • Scribe (uncertain. Did you see Dave’s review on Newclear? He panned him.)
  • Evermore (uncertain. Their new stuff kindof sucks.)
  • The Veils (who?)
  • Shapeshifter (who?)
  • The Mint Chicks (but I don’t really know)
  • The Tutts (I say this having heard one song by them)
  • Minuit (woo!. Did you know they are currently touring Europe? Oh yeah, and check out their music videos on YouTube.)
  • Opensouls (who?)

$110 bucks, which is pricey but come now, it represents an excellent value for money. There will be more to come, so keep an eye out.

YouTube

We all know how wicked YouTube is, especially seeing as we are not the ones paying for it. (Who is, exactly?). Well, rumours abound that Google is considering buying YouTube for $1.6 billion, which is quite a lot – did you know YouTube is less than one year old? Anyway, I hope they don’t fold it into Google Video or something. Make the most of it while you can!

Also, the secret to happiness in life is to go to YouTube Top Rated and check out all the Daily Show and Colbert Report clips there. The stuff on Foley was awesome, as was this. By the way, The Daily Show is screening in NZ on C4 @ 10pm Tuesday nights at the moment.

Folk-Comedy Duos

So, Kiwi comics net big US TV series, and indeed, Comic duo put Kiwi accent on US TV. And, I just discovered you can buy an album of theirs, too – Folk The World Tour. Incidentally, we are talking about Flight of the Conchords. You knew that, right? There will apparently be a doco about their US tour on Channel 3 on Thursday the 19th.

I also came across an article on Stuff titled Katie Holmes to star as Posh Spice. Remember when Katie Holmes and Posh Spice were hot? They should have made the movie then.

Sucker

Sunday 10 September 2006 @ 17:55 // Filed under HahahaLOL, Media, Ramble

There is something wrong with this picture.

Cool Runnings: The Reggae Movie
That doesn’t seem like much of a discount.

I was wandering through The Warehouse earlier this year, looking to kick off my DVD collection, and I saw the Cool Runnings DVD. Cool Runnings!, I thought. Jamaica has a bobsled team! I loved that movie in primary school. Buy buy buy! And I did.

Since then it has helped provide sufficient mass to call my DVDs a collection. The other day I had a crazy thought. Not to watch it – maybe later. But to check if my DVD player is all-region, as this one is region 2. So I put it in.

And no matter what scene I picked, or how much I fast-forwarded, it just showed some random reggae music videos. Maybe, I thought desperately, maybe they’re singing that Jamaica has a bobsled team.

Yeah, nah. There’s a word for people like me.

I’d be a rich man mother fucker

That’s All, Folks!

Tuesday 1 August 2006 @ 23:12 // Filed under Aww Pretty, Media, Schmack

The annual NZ Film Festival has come to an end and, having seen many good films over the last two-and-a-half weeks, let me hit you with my 230 KB review stick:

Tickets from NZ Film Festival with reviews
Is there some kind of system to how they tear the tickets?

I can now look forward to getting enough sleep. No regrets, though, because not a single one of those films was bad, and more than half were really excellent. $150 well spent, I tell you what.

It kicked off with Who Killed the Electric Car? which I had expected to be a lightweight warm-up, but turned out to be far better. Many great lines, and overall a real eye-opener. I loved the bit where Americans attitudes towards energy policy were described as “they’ll make me drive a small car, make me be cold in my own home… in other words, make me live like a European.” I think most memorable was near the end where an engineer was showing us his latest electric car: “300 mile range on a full charge, and 0-60mph in 3.6 seconds.” As one, the crowd gasped – at no point in the movie was the feeling stronger that the wool had been pulled over our eyes. 3.6 seconds is faster than a Ferrari.

Unsurprisingly, then, the film ended on a positive note, confident of an electric car resurgence. And just so you know, it has begun.

Special mention also goes to The Science of Sleep, a film I have twice been asked to compare to Eternal Sunshine, and twice declared that I cannot. The Science of Sleep does not tackle as meaty a subject, but I still think it could be as good a film. For one, it is HahahaLOL funny. For another, it beautifully captured the insanity of that crazy place between sleep and wake. I guess what I’m saying is, you should see it.

China Blue was a great film. Through the story of a young girl, we got to see the reality of working 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, for about 6 cents an hour. It was horrible and at the same time inspirational, as the girl still, somehow, had hope. After her shift she would write in her diary. She told us that she kept herself awake on the long overtime shifts by imagining she was in the world of her stories, where a young girl used powers learnt from an ancient Kung Fu master to bring justice to the world.

What struck me most about it, however, was the way in which China’s exploited factories marched so strongly in the direction of their oppressor, America. There was one scene where the factory boss sat at his makeshift board table and declared to his deputies, “we’re falling behind schedule. Go the sewing department; promote all the competent workers, and fire all the useless ones!” Then he grinned and cackled. Meanwhile his deputies chirped in “yes boss!”, “good idea sir!”. It was like the most hyperbolic parody of an American capitalist, played out right before our eyes. Meanwhile one of the young girls working there said that she and her boyfriend dreamed of “one day saving up enough money to start our own small business.” No!, I screamed.

This screening was particularly special as the director was in attendance. We had questions and answers afterward, in which inevitably someone asked, “what can we do?”. He asked everyone who was wearing jeans to stand up. He then said, those whose jeans were not made in China, sit down. And we all stared at each other like retarded sheep, because we had no fucking clue. His point was well made. He went on to say that, if we doubled the wages of the employees, and paid an inspector to ensure this, and then passed 100% of that cost on to the consumer, it would be a few extra dollars per pair. Would you prefer to pay $125 for a pair of jeans guaranteed “No sweatshops” rather than $120 for a pair that weren’t? Well, I would pay that $5. I imagine many of you would too. He says we should be campaigning for such an option. I guess sometimes the free market needs a good kick in the guts before it splutters into action.

I had the privilege of talking to the director after the film and voiced my concerns of The Great Chinese Dream. He remarked that when he had shown this film at a school in China, while half the class identified with the young worker, the other half identified most with the boss. The very same personality that would in only a few years be exploiting them. Especially considering the way the boss spoke of his employees – he considered them to be utter dirt. I suggested that, in 50 years, we would see a film about Chinese consumers buying expensive jeans that had been made in sweatshops in Africa. “I’m sure we will,” he replied. No!, I screamed.

Last Supper looked at how various cultures, as far back as the ancient Greeks, would provide a last meal to those who were about to be executed. Originally it had been to ensure the eternal soul would make the journey to the afterworld – because the last thing you want hanging around is the insatiably hungry ghost of a man you killed. He might be angry. It was a very interesting study and a great film to wind down with.

I think the most memorable part from this film was about a man in Texas, who was executed in the 1990s even though he was mentally retarded. For his last meal, he asked for pecan pie and icecream. When the guards came to take him away, they asked why he had not eaten his icecream. “I’m saving it for tomorrow,” he explained. And I stared at the screen and I thought, Fuuuuuuucked! That is fuuucked! Somebody do something, that is fucked!

Going back a few hundred years, I have an even better one. A king, after surviving an attempt on his life, had the would-be assassin killed, the conspirators killed, and all of the conspirators families killed. He only spared one life – the eldest daughter of one of the conspirators. Instead he locked her in a tower in his castle. The executioner slowly killed her by visiting her cell each day and shaving off a slither of her flesh.

Each day, the slither of her flesh was fried in curry and she was forced to eat it. Fuuuuuuucked!

All Citizens Report To Your Couch For

Saturday 15 July 2006 @ 20:20 // Filed under HahahaLOL, Media, Ramble

I was checking out the line-up of shitty TV when this caught my eye, evoking memories of V for Vendetta:

TV Schedule featuring "Religious Programming" at 6am.
Not nearly as good a name as “Hour of Power.”

I was also reminded of a shot I had got a few months ago of a tempting Google Ad:

Free Panasonic 42 Inch Plasma - We'll ship you a 42-inch plasma TV free. Simply complete our online survey!

I didn’t click it or anything, though. I mean, it’s an ad. No one clicks those, right?

They don’t click mine, anyway.

Wish You Were Here

Monday 27 March 2006 @ 02:26 // Filed under Media, Ramble

This is how it goes when you hear about something awesome coming up and decide to organise attending it. You will ask others to come. Some will simply say “no.” And indeed, no means no. A significant number (say, 100%) will say “maybe.” Maybe pretty much always means no. And, holy Moses, a select few will say “yes”! Do not be alarmed by this. Yes, in a surprise twist, also means no.

Now, this is not an “everybody sucks!” post. Many people have completely valid excuses. It’s just unfortunate, is all. When something awesome is on, you want, ideally, the entire world to be there too. Because it was awesome.

Here be Minuit.
I have a couple of crappy 3GPs if you prefer your pictures moving (and accompanied by beats).

So at this juncture I should give due props to Lo4d3d, proprietor of a highly successful website, and also present for Minuit’s The Guards Themselves Tour.

Lo4d3d eating at Subway.
You may have heard that Lo4d3d is a fast eater. In person, it is terrifying. Upon receiving his foot-long Sub, his hands went into a blur as he devoured it within seconds.

Ruth Carr, and in fact the whole group, had a fantastic stage presence – reminiscent of Elevator. This is to say nothing of the music. I mean, within seconds, I had made up my mind. The Fear will now be an electronica/breaks act. No amount of Audioslave covers can compare to the stuff in their catalog. At my earliest convenience, I went straight to Trademe.

People dancing with Minuit.
After an absolutely stonking (yes: stonking) rendition of I Hate Guns, they returned for an encore and encouraged people to get up on stage and dance with them. While I thought this was totally cool, I declined on this occasion.

FYI: having four Vodka Bulls thinking it’s the perfect way to get amped for an electronica/breaks gig while still being able to drive home will not seem like such a good idea at 7am when you are sleeping awake. Man, that was fucked up.

so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell

And We’re Back

Tuesday 7 February 2006 @ 01:39 // Filed under Aww Pretty, HahahaLOL, Media, Mozilla

My apologies for that brief intermission (at least I seem to be beating these guys). It turned out I really needed a break from blogging. And by God, it has been good. Don’t get me wrong, I love to write, it is just that much like people, or pretty much anything, it is killing me in the best possible way. Sometimes you need a break from that.

I recently came across a stark example of false resurrection and thought, could that happen to me? Well, I have no intention of this becoming a spam-infested wasteland. And I hope that is enough, because it’s all I’ve got.

New New New!

What, you thought I’ve just been spending the last month sitting on the couch watching Lost re-runs? You will pay for that accusation in blood. For your enjoyment, and 11 months behind schedule, db.rambleschmack.net now boasts photos. To be fair, many are imported, but there are brand new visual artefacts from New Years and Parachute.

Browsers

Speaking of which, I think I broke my site in IE again. Sorry to those of you affected by this. You know, I added one line of CSS and every page on the site moves off the screen. When I next get into the code I’ll add the appropriate hack. (And yes, I’ve also been alerted to the ‘invisible content’ bug. Man, who doesn’t love programming for IE.)

How convenient then that the Beta 2 Preview of IE has just been released. You know, I was beginning to believe, believe that Microsoft were really going to release a program that wasn’t going to hurt the internet or ordinary users. Well, there is good news for the internet, but it is not looking so good for the users. Looking at it you can’t help but wonder, what the fuck? Even more unbelievable is that the people making the worlds most widely used HTML/CSS renderer create its home page in Flash. I also wonder why on Earth it is not respecting the system settings (aren’t Microsoft the ones who make the system?), and why you must overwrite your IE6 install to use the IE7 preview. I was beginning to believe.

The Idiot Box

I recently discovered a very handy page for viewing today’s and tomorrow’s TV, which allows you to avoid the awful sites of the actual broadcasters.

It’s true that there is not a lot worth watching, but if I may suggest:

  • Motorway Patrol (22:00 Tuesday, 2)
  • Trailer Park Boys (23:30 Tuesday, 2)
  • Fawlty Towers (19:00 Sunday, Prime)

Please offer your own picks in the comments. Prime often has some good documentaries; bizarrely, Prime appears to be catering to both the very lowest common denominator (seriously, Fox News?) and the high brow crowd at the same time. I think that really, you have to pick one of these niches.

Lighter Note

Have you had a good laugh today? Why, you ought to check out these Windows 1.01 screenshots. And in case you missed Dubya’s State of the Union address – beware the Human-Animal Hybrids! (They’ve already infiltrated the government!). I think it’s only fair to also warn you to beware the capitalists.

Every Post Needs an Image

So here’s my current cellphone wallpaper:

Skyripple

The Spirit of Christmas, Specifically, Bourbon

Thursday 22 December 2005 @ 22:05 // Filed under HahahaLOL, Linkage, Media, Ramble

How often does New Zealand make Al Jazeera and Wonkette? I’m thinking, too often:

Al Jazeera, Culture: Drunk Santas on the rampage
What passes for culture round here. If there had been rugby on, I bet they would have been watching.

I mean, yes, Christmas is overcommercialised, no question. I guess I just don’t see how drunken rampages are a solution. To anything. (Well, apart from boredom.) It is interesting to consider though: all cultures eventually come to an end, replaced with another. Imagine one day in the future, children reading in Wikipedia: “December the 25th, 2015, commonly known as ‘Red Friday,’ saw the Beehive overrun by an army of Santas. They were unstoppable due to their heavy padding and seemingly unlimited supply of beer bottles. It marked the beginning of the brief and drunken Christmas Revolutionary Government.” Of course, it would be edited (and edited back) daily to say ‘enthusiastic’ in place of ‘drunken.’ Savvy students would check late at night or early in the morning, when the Christmas Revolutionaries were too drunk or too hungover to operate machinery.

Yeah, did you hear about that? Wikipedia Founder Edits Own Bio. (Surprisingly enough, that’s from Wired News, not The Onion.) Now, I could understand where he was coming from. There doesn’t seem to be a Wikipedia entry about me yet, but it would certainly pain me if I was not rightfully recognised as a the sole founder of Rambleschmack. Who, them? My friend, history is determined by the persistent.

If, however, I was the founder of Wikipedia, I just might think twice before completely undermining the credibility of my own creation. It’s on thin ice as it is. People might start making fun of me.

I am, as you would expect, a huge fan of Wikipedia. I’m a collectivist, an idealist, and I feel that knowledge and education are hugely undervalued in our society (nearly as much as imagination). Its very existence is music to my socialist soul. So it was nice to read an insightful defence of Wikipedia on The Long Tail. As far as I’m concerned, there is still some great stuff in there.

Anyway, New Zealand gets mentioned in good ways too. Apparently we made some kind of video testimonial, and if the dumbarses didn’t think of streaming media as a good idea, I would have watched it.

And for reading this far, here is your reward. Daring Fireball reports: Fucking hilarious, and a good Jobs impression.

Maybe I Should Just Buy It From a Shop

Tuesday 13 December 2005 @ 00:37 // Filed under Aww Pretty, Media, Ramble, Usability

Here is just about the coolest thing I have seen so far on TradeMe:

Vincent Van Gogh - Cornfield With Cypresses
I want it! (Admittedly, Bartleby’s Starry Night is probably cooler.)

$20 plus postage though. What happened to $1 no reserve?

The problem with TradeMe has two forms.

  1. There is never any good stuff. For example, try searching SJD, The Phoenix Foundation or Poster Milla Jovovich.
  2. On the rare occasion there is good stuff, it costs bloody heaps. Either the sellers price is crazy, some idiot bids far too high, or both.
  3. Bonus problem: at the end of an auction, there is so much fucking around with emailing and addresses and paying to bank accounts. When I win the auction, all that hassle should be replaced by absolutely nothing. There is no reason all of that can’t happen automatically. TradeMe are opening themselves right up to competition on this front. Remember, user experience is the new black.

So after a brief splurge of online action, I think The Warehouse will regain its crown of place that I shop at. (Even with its awful new logo. I mean, did they spend 3 minutes in Microsoft Paint? The old one may have been ugly but it was distinctive and representative, as a good logo should be. Compare the new one, which was more like “Hey! Arial! What an awesome font!”)

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