That’s going straight into my Wikipedia article, natch. Now, I know what you’re thinking. That I am joking somehow, or (Heaven forbid!) disparaging the fairer orientation. Oh no. Here’s how it went down.

So I was on Trademe, bidding for Minuit’s The 88. As always on Trademe, the bidding was stupidly high – $14.50 (plus postage) for a freaking second-hand CD – before I even turned up. I leapt into the fray, taking the lead with an auto-bid of $16.50. (Auto-bid has actually never worked for me – I only use it because I like to lose in different ways each time.) Minutes later, the previous leader, 2grlsinlv, topped my entire auto-bid (another glorious victory for auto-bid). Yes, that username was 2grlsinlv. Did you look at their profile? Of course you did. Appropriate picture, huh?

Bitter and twisted, I placed one more bid to beat theirs by 50 cents. I didn’t expect to win. But I figured it would piss them off, and force them to pay more, so it was effectively one of those “everybody wins” situations. I smiled evilly, and waited for my maniacal plan to come to fruition.

And waited. And waited. And then I had to go to freaking film society. During which the auction finished. What, had I won? The thought itself was tantalising, delicately holding it on the cusp of my mind, before it could be dashed by my rational hemisphere. Just a whisper on the edge. The tiny spark that Death’s grasp can never quite suppress. Won?

No. I was beaten by david7032. I mean, I had already resigned myself to losing, but had found comfort that at least I would be beaten by lesbians. So that was something. It was all I had to hold on to. And then I got beaten by some guy from Upper Hutt. Called David! I hate people called that.

Anyway, Wednesday 9:30 is the Oddfellows Comedy Gala 2006 on channel 2. Be there. Natch.