Ever since I bought my car five years ago it has had a strange quirk. Actually, it has had plenty, but this one in particular happened when I was driving along at around 105 or 110 km/hr. Specifically, when I went above 105, the needle would suddenly jump to 110, or vice versa. It was a little unnerving, especially since it is exactly that zone where one goes from safe, responsible speeding to being an evil, recidivist murderer-on-wheels.

Hang on. This isn’t my car.

Yeah, now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! But, um, nope, still not my car.

Right, it was like this. Uh. Maybe I had been drinking.

Woo! Yeah, definitely like this.

Well, anyway, recently I was driving along the motorway and heard a strange sound (did I mention the quirks?). It was a slight ticking sound. I turned the stereo off. (A few of my CDs have tracks featuring a police siren, and it gets me every fucking time.) The sound was still there, faint and a little erratic. It was almost like… tinkle, tinkle, tinkle. And then I remembered the sound from being in a mate’s Skyline once. It was the infamous you’re-driving-too-fast tinkle! Well, what would you have done? I sped up, cheerfully encouraging the little guy on.

It was actually quite remarkable to have solved the four-year mystery. So that’s why it jumped around at that point! Thinking about it, it looks as if someone decided to express their displeasure at this feature with very violent means, somehow munting the speedo in their quest to shut the damn thing off. Good on them, I say. I respect that kind of destructive determination. Never give up! Never surrender!

I felt it was all a bit ironic really. Consider the latest campaign by the NZ Police/LTSA. For some reason this campaign has not reached the internet, but I have recreated it for your stubborn Kiwi mind to ignore once more:

Statistically speaking, you’d be much better off to prepare to pay a speed camera ticket.

Contrast this MURDERER! approach with the more subdued admonishment of tinkle, tinkle. Perhaps it is some kind of good cop, bad cop scenario.

Of course – and I fully expect this in cars of the future – you could potentially replace the factory default with your own MP3. (That police siren would be a good one.) So as I was caning along the Northen Motorway, down the great Orewa hill, a hysterical voice would cry out from my dashboard:
“It’s the same day, David! It’s the same day!”

“I’m sorry!” I would blubber. “I’m sorry!”

(All together now:)
“Don’t say sorry to me!” the car shrieks. “Say sorry to his kids!”

We all like todo lists, right?

1. Buy new computer. This rates highly chiefly because it is relatively easy, and also because it is relatively urgent. Dave made mention of the motherboard-RAM-CPU combos at Computer Lounge but you see, I really need to also get a new monitor, optical drive, hard drive, video card, USB, etc. Technology has been on the march these last four years.

   What is annoying is that when we bought our first computer in 1995 it was about $3000. I bought my own in 2002 for $1700. And what will it cost me to get one today? Why, about $1700. Is this the asymptote already? Suck. Anyway, what will be cool is that I will be able to use my old one as a Linux/Mac Mini box. Mm, learning new things.

2. Go flatting. Some days you think “OMG! Living at home sucks, I can’t wait to leave!”. But really living at home is mostly not that bad, especially through a financial lens. But now that I have (finally) graduated I intend to move out soon. Living at home when you can afford not to is extremely hard to justify (it is to me, anyway).

   I may move to Parnell, so I can walk to work like a hippie. It will also mean I can sleep in a bit longer, instead of getting up at the crack of 9am like I do at the moment.

3. Buy new car. Occasionally I get worked up about this too, such as when my current car makes annoying rattling noises, or when I am trying to fit into a medium-sized parallel park. But this is on the bottom of the list because the car I want to buy – 1999+ 200SX – is expensive (~10K), and because the above reasons are, frankly, pretty weak.

   Even worse, the type of car I really want to buy – the Spec-R turbo – is more like 20K. And that is a lot of money to spend on a car when you walk to work.

And I hadn’t even factored in the cost of a bodykit.

The problem with this (any) todo list is even getting started on the damn thing. For example, over a couple of weeks in January, just after I had used some of my holidays to get a few things fixed up, three things broke on my car almost simultaneously. Maybe I should just roll the fucking thing off a cliff and be done with it. Does third-party insurance cover that?

Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my inbox?

This isn’t nearly as annoying as the takes-ten-seconds-nearly-crashes-your system load time of Gmail. It’s practically the new Java.

My apologies for that brief intermission (at least I seem to be beating these guys). It turned out I really needed a break from blogging. And by God, it has been good. Don’t get me wrong, I love to write, it is just that much like people, or pretty much anything, it is killing me in the best possible way. Sometimes you need a break from that.

I recently came across a stark example of false resurrection and thought, could that happen to me? Well, I have no intention of this becoming a spam-infested wasteland. And I hope that is enough, because it’s all I’ve got.

New New New!

What, you thought I’ve just been spending the last month sitting on the couch watching Lost re-runs? You will pay for that accusation in blood. For your enjoyment, and 11 months behind schedule, db.rambleschmack.net now boasts photos. To be fair, many are imported, but there are brand new visual artefacts from New Years and Parachute.

Browsers

Speaking of which, I think I broke my site in IE again. Sorry to those of you affected by this. You know, I added one line of CSS and every page on the site moves off the screen. When I next get into the code I’ll add the appropriate hack. (And yes, I’ve also been alerted to the ‘invisible content’ bug. Man, who doesn’t love programming for IE.)

How convenient then that the Beta 2 Preview of IE has just been released. You know, I was beginning to believe, believe that Microsoft were really going to release a program that wasn’t going to hurt the internet or ordinary users. Well, there is good news for the internet, but it is not looking so good for the users. Looking at it you can’t help but wonder, what the fuck? Even more unbelievable is that the people making the worlds most widely used HTML/CSS renderer create its home page in Flash. I also wonder why on Earth it is not respecting the system settings (aren’t Microsoft the ones who make the system?), and why you must overwrite your IE6 install to use the IE7 preview. I was beginning to believe.

The Idiot Box

I recently discovered a very handy page for viewing today’s and tomorrow’s TV, which allows you to avoid the awful sites of the actual broadcasters.

It’s true that there is not a lot worth watching, but if I may suggest:

• Motorway Patrol (22:00 Tuesday, 2)
• Trailer Park Boys (23:30 Tuesday, 2)
• Fawlty Towers (19:00 Sunday, Prime)

Please offer your own picks in the comments. Prime often has some good documentaries; bizarrely, Prime appears to be catering to both the very lowest common denominator (seriously, Fox News?) and the high brow crowd at the same time. I think that really, you have to pick one of these niches.

Lighter Note

Have you had a good laugh today? Why, you ought to check out these Windows 1.01 screenshots. And in case you missed Dubya’s State of the Union address – beware the Human-Animal Hybrids! (They’ve already infiltrated the government!). I think it’s only fair to also warn you to beware the capitalists.

Every Post Needs an Image

So here’s my current cellphone wallpaper: