Yes, thank you Bill Hicks. Can you judge the diseased state of a nation by its media? Let’s begin with todays headlining news. Kylie Minogue (she’s a popstar, if you’re not up with these things) has breast cancer. I agree this is sad, but why do I need to know this? Probably millions of women have breast cancer. Each and every case is equally sad. They didn’t get on the news. And Kylie has millions to spend on treatment so she will most likely get through it fine. They don’t. And… popstar. She’s a popstar. A freakin’ Australian idol, in the new money. Why are these people important again? They even went onto the streets of Christchurch and we got to hear from middle-aged women who have no doubt never even met Kylie who reported they were “shocked”. At least the state of the nation was upheld by one gentlemen who reported he was “very sad… because she has sensational breasts.”

Meanwhile it seems that the success of SUVs triggered a marketing explosion. People are prepared to buy really dumb things as long as it makes them feel good. There is no limit to the amount of money we can extract from people by making them feel inadequate. Let the race to the bottom begin.

One ad doing the rounds on NZ TV at the moment features a group of women visiting another woman’s house. “Can I use your toilet?” asks one politely. Our host is panic-stricken by thoughts of what state her toilet must be in. Then cue happy music, colours, lights, don’t worry! Our host uses Mr fucking Muscle or some shit and her toilet looks pristine. Her reputation is intact! However, they thought this wasn’t obvious enough, so get this catchphrase: what does your toilet say about you?

Imagine standing around after this women’s funeral saying nice things about her.
“And she always had a really clean toilet.”
“Mm hmm,” other women nod vigourously.
This is your life.

That ad represents Azrael’s public enemy no. 1 at the moment. There’s actually a whole collection on the radio that I consider much worse. They’re more insidious, and also pander to the old “effort? hey, it’s OK to be lazy – buy our product instead” line. They relate to something like the mathamagic computer tutor. It goes a little something like this.

Imagine your child came home from school and said, “hey dad, can you help me shoot some hoops?” You’d be there for them! Or what if they wanted you to help them find pictures of animals on the internet? You could do that too! [db: yeah, I wonder how you learnt to do that.] But what if they said “Dad, I need help with my maths homework. We’re doing ‘fractions’ and ‘algebra’.” Now you couldn’t help them. You’d feel like you were letting them down. Wouldn’t you?

Having got you vulnerable, crumpled in a heap on the floor, they kick you in the wallet now that you’re down. After all, market surveys show that is the most effective time to make a sale. When you have reduced their self-worth to its lowest point. Why wait for them to consume to fill the hole society leaves when you can cut out the middle man and make the hole yourself? I want to reach into the radio and rip out your heart. Do you have one? Why are you doing this to us?

The quotations below were from the footer of an email from the student body about Ecofest. I’m told students only care about the environment because it’s, like, cool, you know? Well I dunno. At least they’re actually doing the right thing? That’s still important, isn’t it?

There is a sufficiency in the world for man’s need but not for man’s greed.
Mohandas K. Gandhi

It wasn’t the Exxon Valdez captain’s driving that caused the Alaskan oil spill. It was yours.
Greenpeace advertisement, New York Times, 25 February 1990

Because we don’t think about future generations, they will never forget us.
Henrik Tikkanen

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.
Native American Proverb

It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.
George H. W. Bush